with my mouth open,
and my eyes just the same.
i want to not want to see you-
(really
see you)
shiver straight out of our current context,
carefully crafting a new one.
wanna stop dreamin’ of a new one.
today, i’m trying
to learn everything your eyes mean
gonna meet your mistakes
and hope they get along just fine with mine.
i mean, forget they get along just fine with mine.
today, i’m trying
not to need you extracted,
p u l l e d like espresso
on a simple saturday morning
not desire you sleepy from swapping stories on a sunday
not beg for your everything in between
not want to murder our mid-day sitting on the porch listening to the wind wink
or see our own silence
want to forget our voices but i just can’t forget our voices.
today, i’m trying
to forget the first time you heard me use mine
and called me complex.
until that point, i had never been called anything but a code, an equation-
a thing easily solvable with time.
but you know me as intricate
and that painted me so electric
i started literally writing poems in a movie theatre
today, i’m trying
to stop doing that,
to make it so i don’t have to say,
“i know, i also paid twelve dollars for a ticket and bought an overpriced slurpee (‘cause it was the blue kind) – it’s just that i’m feeling inspired and i kind of need to go with it.”
which seems but is not absolutely ridiculous
seems so because we were watching transformers
(and who gets inspired to write while watching transformers?)
but ridiculous? it is not because
there were children laughing, time was passing and i thought about how if you were a concept you would be ‘possible’
but still everyone thought i was texting-
damn it, guys, i swear i’m slightly less rude than this so
today, i’m trying
not to write anymore stanzas in silent spaces,
it’s just
you touched the small of my back more than once,
which i called honest
but you called fleeting.
today, i’m trying
to reconcile the difference.
to disremember the difference.
and how you said men are idealistic about love
and women, we’re practical
and how i didn’t say but very much wanted to say,”i think of myself as both.”
today i’m trying
to sing songs to your serenity
I don’t know how it got there but
today i’m trying
to focus less on the ‘got there’s
and more on the ‘getting there’s
today i’m trying.
& 