If I had a dollar

definitely don’t deserve to be on
I would have enough money to buy each of those people a mirror the size of their insecurities.
one that would show them what they actually look like.
how striking they actually are-
one like that which covers my walls and ceilings
like my doubt does on my dimmer moments.
all day kids ask me for advice
but I’m not even everything I want to be when I grow up yet
I’m just trying to let my goals scare me in a
“watch out world, I’m here” kind of shake you
not take the wind out of you before you start to run
not “this race is too long I’m not going to run”
kind of defeat you.
I think you are a mountain range
and I tried to tell you every night
but maybe we never spoke the same language.
sometimes I sounded like white noise
when I meant to sound like soul.
and look, Google translate only gets you so far
before your hands defy science and get headaches
or maybe I just cannot speak louder than your uncertainty and certainly
we can only lay so much cement on each other
’s self-doubt seared sidewalks
before our shoes are stuck.
I never meant to make you second guess your self-worth
every time you tell me I make you feel tea light
make you feel
travel size
make you feel small in any way,
I am your partner in miniaturized crime
and we are both way too starscape for all of that
so this has been a nice vacation but I have to go now
we’ll both add ‘love yourself’ to our respective to-do lists
‘cause I know you can barely read my handwriting
and you’d remember it better if you wrote it yourself.
so,
Why do you build me up, buttercup baby
just to let you down
and mess us around?
and then worst of
all,
you never call baby when you say you will-
fuck if I need you still
don’t need you
don’t need anyone darlin’
been reclaiming those parts of my heart
so build you up buttercup or break your own heart.