7th grade they say, ‘No shorts above your fingertips’
they say, ‘Tank tops: 2 finger width.’
They teach you
that your thighs and your shoulders are provocative spaces.
They teach you
it is your job to make sure others are not intrigued by them.
the mentality carries.
You overhear conversations about assault beginning with,
“Well, what were they wearing?”
like what goes on a body tells you how to treat one.
Last time I checked,
“no” sounds the same in any damn outfit
and so does silence.
I wish there was more emphasis on that.
Wish they didn’t tell us
to be mindful of our skirt length or of strangers
wish instead we could tell our little boys that what you learn in kindergarten applies to more than crayons
‘Don’t take what isn’t yours’
and ‘Keep your hands to yourself.’
I wish the weight of accountability
didn’t fall on our shoulders simply for showing them. or showing up in a body you perceive to be a womans.
don’t tell us how to dress because of this
and don’t call us names because of this.
Chaucer coined the word “sluttish” in the fourteenth century
to speak of untidy men.
We are much more than an arbitrary adjective
slutty, easy, female, hot
much more than any describing word you could think of.
We are nouns:
people, humans:
language matters and speaking of it,
we should reassess our rhetoric
why do we say “hit on”,
that doesn’t even sound kind.
Why do we say, “hollered at”
I have had enough boys in men costumes raise their voice at me when they could’ve been raising themselves.
A boy in my ethics class asked,
“Why can’t you just appreciate cat calls or being whistled at?”
because we aren’t cats or dogs,
so while I’m at it, please don’t call us bitches. only bad bitches are allowed to call me that.
I wish men would watch their mouths
half as carefully as they watch me walk down the street.
I wish we shelled out respect
the way we do judgment-
maybe then the word slutty wouldn’t have gotten twisted,
maybe then sexually active women and femmes wouldn’t be shamed
for the same acts dudes are high-fived for.
A horrible double standard that’s become horribly standard.
a different boy told me promiscuity isn’t the same for women and men-
said, ‘women are locks,’
said,’men are keys,’
said ‘you wouldn’t want a lock that’s been opened again and again would ya?’
It’s as if he was saying every time a person with my genitalia has sex we become less valuable
Say, doesn’t the lock still work no matter how many times it has been opened? or by whom?
Say, what’s the difference between one key opening the same lock over and over
and multiple keys opening that lock over a span of time?
what’s the real difference between one partner or several?
According to him it’s directly related to effort exerted,
said men have to try harder to get some, said you- you get whatever
you want-
I said “I want your respect”
but he was fresh out out of that.
Then he fought me about male privilege,
as he stood waist deep in his own
(not even realizing he was submerged)
He said, “well it is only a theory.”
I said yeah, so is heliocentrism:
the idea that we revolve around the sun.
So he said, sure male privilege exists but so does “hot girl privilege” at the bar.
Now it is a privilege to be ogled up and down,
to be offered drinks and beds and who knows what else
but my status as hot at the bar does not earn me a dollar each time he earns 77 cents.
My status as hot at the bar does not gain me unearned respect, or access to better jobs.
The thing that begets those things is being a cis man
and that’s privilege.
As a culture we make it so easy
to ignore the persistent patriarchy,
years after we were hunter-gatherers,
Hunter Gatherers
were regarded as an actively egalitarian society-
though division of labor was split all contributions were equal
Influence was collective
Now in 2023 we grieve collective
inequality a sort of optical illusion,
one of those things you can see only if you know the trick behind it
A lot of people are lazy eyed
privileged and don’t want to own it.
The thing about an optical illusion is the picture is pretty enough
even if you can’t see the one that’s hidden inside it.
The mirage of equality is pretty
especially if you can’t see the inequality hidden inside of it.
I’m just urging all of us look closer
and see the inequality hidden inside of it.
& 