or, alternatively titled,
‘a study on how to dissect my anger and find it villain,’ find it too sharp, too mirror
too reflective
and you didn’t really want to see yourself
as the problem did you
so instead it is me and
I am told to put on something else like maybe it would be more comfortable for you if
I could take this tired off somehow
which is the point you’ve made, right?
that you think my purpose is for you.
To be clear, my anger is condemned
when it is sloppy
or articulate
or weeping
or at a man
but my anger learns as I do that there is no way to deliver it from my mouth without recoil.
I still get the full range of emotions even when you don’t find them appealing.
I eventually unmute myself,
learn to use my voice
only to hear you dislike my tone
too sure of itself
or too always mad about something
too imaginative, perhaps?
as I concoct a world where I don’t have to be quiet
or play nice
or take your shit
or be invited to the table only to have my ideas swallowed and
re-stated in a lower register.
Yes. In fact, it all does get pretty exhausting
but honestly?
so does this conversation.
and honestly?
so do you.
& 