scroll
through the photos
app on my phone
28,000 pictures and counting-
delete duplicates
the way I want to disappear myself
(but I’m not a copy)
stare
at an image that appears inarguably beautiful
or one in which I do
relish in how
my eyes see splendor
even through all the bullshit
even though somedays
they can’t
on those days
death feels
like a long awaited pause button
a door prize
I wish I could win
there are also days
that I have already won
listen
to the playlist without a single song
that sounds like sorrow.
eat
my weight in worry
or whatever
scouring for the dopamine my brain seems to have misplaced
look
at the unfinished poems
each of them a river of possible
aren’t I also
mostly water?
cry
mix the paint of my misery
into my hopelessness
laugh
at the way the colors run
like I used to from my problems
but I stand now.
root my feet
even under my grief
my world imploded
countless times
and I’m alive
to write the poems about it.
& 