Asked about the greatest fear they have with online dating,

cis-men most often answer that their partner might be fat.

Asked about the greatest fear we have with online dating,
trans people, non-binary folk, and cis-women most often answer that we might be murdered.

It appears that a cis-mans’ greatest fear is someone not living up to their expectations while our greatest fear is not living
at all.

I think about male privilege as an orchard where some types of trees spend a lifetime wondering when it will be cut down
and another spends their seconds by the river talking to their buddies
about how much they’ve grown and what is coming next season,

(Planning for the future is a privilege)
making sidebar convo
like, “Huh, did you notice that that patch of trees over there looks a little thinner? Hell whatever, ‘least it makes my view better”

the conditions for thriving here are perfect for some plants
but the soil is not fit others and the trees don’t have to think about that,
about taking up less space
or how their roots affect one another
because they were born here and like that and how is this their problem anyways?

If a tree falls in the forest it was never set up to grow in in the first place
do you think it makes a sound?
do you think the other trees even notice?

My guess is no.

Not if they never have to worry about their safety.
If they didn’t even realize they had it on.
Safety and privilege are two sacred pieces of clothing
you never purchase but when you own them, you wear them everyday.

I wear privilege and safety in my whiteness everyday
but in the moments that I feel safest I am surrounded by other fems or queers
or pretending to be.

Is it a coincidence that a safe is also a thing that locks everything important inside for only a few to see the value?

I don’t always make myself easy to see anymore but I am easy to notice.
When I am brave enough to go out, I wear my defense mechanisms like jewelry.
Men like to point them out, to try and take them off
to say things like, “You are not good at eye contact.”
to say things like, “What’s up with you?”

This poem answers those question.
This is what is up with me.
Eye contact indicates trust and
‘most people are self protective freezer chests and they do not want to thaw, are taught they are not allowed to thaw.

Most times masculinity is equated with staying frozen and cold and stoic.
Most times femininity is equated with staying open and warm and available
even when no one else is

So no,

I don’t always make myself easy to see anymore
but most days I’m just happy
that I haven’t been cut down yet.